Session 6 - Agoraphobia

Good morning Doctor. Yes, it was fine. Perfectly- hmm. The walls are different. Like, they, they look different. Enchanted? With what? Oh. Electricity. No touching the walls, gotcha. There's a little white circle where I'm sat. How often? Never, huh? Unless I- no, I don't want to get relaxed again. Heh, nope. Learnt my lesson there.

I'm not staring at it. I just... Hmm. Never mind.

I have been complaining of that, yes. It's because I get- Oh, the have the notes? From... You? Well, not you you, but you know- great, great. About my teeth? That's okay, I don't want to waste your time, or the time of the now unfamiliar Writing-Things-Down-Person.

"Sausages."

Oh you got it! That's wonderful. How am I settling in? It is complicated; my top hat is now a deep mauve, but that's okay, and there are more people here. No, it's fine, it doesn't affect me. Lying? How do you know? Oh, I hadn't noticed. I wouldn't lie to you, no. I wouldn't. No I didn't, I was just- okay, maybe it affects me just a little. A little bit.

When I am on Day Release many people come within reaching distance, and I believe that on several occasions I may have been jostled. There was a lot of jostle in the, uh, why can't I remember names? Heh, silly me. Little people? Well not little. Dwarves, yes, their district. No, I like them. Hard working, uh, brave? Well, they are brave enough to drink Alcohol and I have had enough of that nonsense. So yes. Dwarves, a-okay. I'm sorry, what? Oh, her? She moved too quickly around me, I couldn't- you have the notes, you should know. I'm not being snappish. I am not!

You're right, I do see the remote. I know what it does yes- look, I have seen it a lot recently, and no one is proud of this.

"Jostle." I am going to use this more often in conversation. So what is outside the white line? Is it... Magic? You're right, I'm sure it isn't worth it.

I have been selling things. Oh, like cloth and things, and stuff I dig up. I'm not sure to be honest, but people seem to want it, and I find gathering these things very "relaxing"; it is something that I was asked to Work On. Relaxing. Yes, not- the collar, not that. Oh, you don't want to hear about where I get cloth from. No really, it's incredibly boring. All forms and... Affidavits. What's an affidavit? It's... Well it's like yes I do know actually. It's like a small, green pellet. Yes I'm sure.

I'm not going near the line. I'm not. Okay maybe a little bit-

<The subject was relaxed at this point and the session terminated>

Session 5 - Dreams

Good morning! Yes, I’m fine, thank you. A little tired, but- well you see, I didn’t get much sleep last night. No, there isn’t anything wrong, I just well yes. I had a, what is it? Like a, a picture, but I was in it, and things happened? But I was asleep.

A dream.

I was on a road, and- what kind? Is that important? Lady Doctor is- oh you’re still talking going on about that? I thought we had left that in the- Okay well, as it is you and yes, you have used Trust and have let me sit in my own room with no “restraints”- heh, yes, like that, good – so I will do my best. For you. Your name is, uh, ah- hmm. Clay Rice. Oh, it isn’t? Like, just ram them together, just like that? Clarice.

That is a pretty name. Has its origins in “clarus”, meaning bright, or, or clear? Yes, clear. Yes. I used to read a lot you know. You know, back then. Before. Before- you are welcome, La- ahem, Clarice.

My Dream: I was on a road, and it was made of a grey, like, hard, oh, stone. Stone road. It was night time, but the stars were strange. I don’t know, just… Too high? No, that sounds silly. But, different. I was walking and I knew I had to go somewhere- there was a cart, see, like a big… Cart. And there was a man. He told me things. Signs, he said. Signs everywhere, and, and- yes? What kind? Oh, my picture of the squirrel I saw? Yes.

The littlest bones.

Do I? I don’t know. Heh, no, I haven’t done anything like that. Yes, I know why I am here, but- no well, see I have explained all this before. I know it doesn’t make sense. But you do not see. Yes, that is what I think. I- hm.

I died yesterday. I see you are writing this down.

I don’t know either. I know; it seems crazy doesn’t it? I was in the desert, and- yes, the uh, all red dust. Hot. There was a small man, he was wearing a dress- is that the right word? A man’s dress. Kilt? Robe. He had a robe on, and he was green, and smelt like feet and burnt rubber bands. He had a pet dog. But it was an ugly dog. I was talking in a Calm and Considerate Manner to another small man with a beard and he killed me. I died. What happened? I was somewhere else. Then, I… Wasn’t. Clarice, my head hurts. I’m not sure that- yes, I would like to finish. Yes. I am sure.

Perhaps I should- oh, my pictures? Yes, I drew my dream. It is in my room.

You can Trust me, Clarice. I will just try the door. Hmm. Should uh- what? Oh nothing, nothing. Maybe I should hmm. Could I- no, it’s coming. It is coming I can feel it. The Signs. Yes.

This is not me doing this it is not me the door is unlocked and I will be-

<The subject was relaxed at this point and the session terminated>

Session 4 - Friends

It's bright in here. You know, bright, like a, thing. A what? I'm not sure; I am having a little trouble thinking of something that is bright and not the sun. Use your imaginations.

My head feels funny, could be from the- yes, the brace. It's a little tight, Lady Doctor, perhaps someone could possibly... Or perhaps not. Oh, uh, Lady Doctor is shaking her head, I have taken on board that this means that there is no possibility at all.

I miss my arms. I mean, well, I still have them, but since my last session where I just tried to help, actually, but- well I did, it's just that they move too fast; I scare easily. Yes I do. I do. Anyway, since my last session my arms have been, okay, just keep doing what you're doing writing-things-down-person, I will just raise my eyebrows "like this"- yes, yes you've got it! Great. Yeah, my arms have been “mechanically restrained” for my safety- oh, not my safety? Then who- ah, "everyone's".

They have stopped my Day Release and my Probation Officer has now resigned on "medical grounds". I will miss it; the flowers, and the uh, small, fluffy things?

That's right, I saw a squirrel once.

I drew a picture of him.

You know what? I'm not sure if this is the right time I- well, it looks like it is the right time as these restraints are on a time lock, says Lady Doctor. So uh, yes. What was I supposed to talk about? Ah.

Friends.

I have made friends. They were in a Bar, called the Blue, Blue Something. I went in there and- oh wait, no, you see, during my group therapy they said that Drink is a Mocker and I should Stay Away, and though there was a, a small, but not small- bald, but a big beard, smells like- dwarf, there who offered me Temptation I just said "No Thanks"- yeah just like the wall chart exactly.

His name? Oh, eh, rurr, rurr, yes I'm getting there, Rurr-agg. I guess it doesn't matter, it's just that- It's fine, really. No, it is fine. It's fine.

No I- Lady Doctor believes that I have a Problem With Personal Relationship Building which allows me to Disassociate My Victims. Lady Doctor- I know that's not your real name, silly. I just don't want to say it here- no I don't think- stop it you are making my teeth hurt you're actually you know what?

Fine! I have a problem building relationships! There I said it! I hope you're happy, as now I am Sad. It's just that, you know I- good? Oh, that's good, everybody! I have "done well". Oh, the young people are writing this down. Yes, it's only one Gee in my name. You're welcome.

What's that? Oh, Day Release has been good? I'm glad you think so Lady Doctor, could I- Hooray! Oh no I don't want to stop rocking in my restraints this is amazing i am elated and oh my wooor-

Ow! The gurney fell and it's broken! Ooh, my arms, it's so good to be free in- such noise everyone! What's wrong? Come here, tell me what the-

<the subject was relaxed at this point and session terminated>

As it benefits psychology graduates to be exposed to elements of Fidget's life, the aforementioned drawing of the squirrel he saw has been included below.

Session 3 - Transfers

This is a wrong place. I don't mean that, what is it? Different.

Are you getting this down? I'm not sure if you're aware of the- Oh you are? Great. Great. The finger thing, too right? How nice. That's nice.

I have moved house! I'm here in a new city which is grey and blue and has flags on it. Now and- I don't think we need to go into that in agonising detail, really. I don't believe that it would be beneficial for me- Oh you do? Well, okay then, new doctor.

See, the funny thing, the funny thing about this place is that, you know, that there are lots of people watching me now. Not moving. Just looking. Stop that, with your eyes. Is there something on my jacket? Oh, I see, okay I see now. Basically, right, those other ones who aren't my new doctor, my probation officer, sorry about the arm by the way, the nurse who pushes the trolley, and my seven new friends that are there "for my protection" are- hey, you are good at this, new writing-things-down-person. What is your name? I am Fidget.

Do you like animals, I'm Not Allowed To Tell You? I do, my favourite one is- Oh you're right, I got distracted. There are new people here, and the room I am in is shiny, and white. Like white tile. And these gurneys you have are much kinder on my arms, so thank you. I have been learning about manners and oh yeah. There are new people here. My new doctor says that they want to learn about me, which makes me Blush. There isn't much to say, really, new people, so...

Are you writing things down? I thought only I'm Not Allowed To Tell You is allowed to. "Making notes"? Like music? They must be clever. No, I'm not just being obtuse, thank you; this is a new place and I am still learning.

I am here because my heart was broken. And in my grief I went down the Path. The Path was dark and scary and made me 'act out' and I- Yes, I am getting to that, and- no, I am going to tell you how I feel. I felt that- why are you behind a window? I don't smell that bad, do I? Eh? Eh? See, that was a joke. You're writing that down, are you? Credit me with that, okay? I saw one of you smile, and now, as a healthy person, I will smile back.

Oh, you seem to have stopped smiling. Aaaand you're being led away. It's okay, it's okay; shh, shh.
Dry those eyes, dry those glassy, terrified eyes. Those eyes, a pearlescent window to your quailing soul.

Those eyes... Shh, shh.

I have been told to avoid this trail of thought "Or Else". I believe this to be sensible.

But serious times now, everyone. It used to be just reaching distance, and you guys hardly know me.  Is it because of what happened in... Yes, okay, I understand. I'd just to be kept abreast of these things in future. Can I get back back to my new house story?

What do I mean by 'act out'? You were there, Probation Officer That's Confidential, you saw the- I know, and the- Oh, for "evidence?" Is this about the conversation you had with my new doctor? I mean "too afraid to execute him" was a bit strong- Yes I did hear that, and the old doctor wasn't that bad, I mean, he had that little remote and everything, but I have come to terms with that now and he is-, sorry, was a good man.

Then why did I... Oh you mean when- well, that wasn't me. You have footage? No, no you see, it's very easy to interpret sound and video footage wrongly, well known fact. Well, mister I've-been-doing-this-for-years, what you saw was in fact me... There was a speck on his shoulder and I, I, was trying to wipe it off. Yes. With my teeth, yes. How do you do it?
Well the speck isn't there now is it? Tsk, the imagination of this guy!

The pressure of your eyes is making my teeth hurt, new doctor. I have recognised that I am becoming stressed, and I request that we end this session. Yes, I am sure. You're welcome, new I Can See You Are Actually a Lady doctor. But uh, some... Someone needs to come in here and get me. I can't, you know, move very much, what with the whole- yes, the straps.

Ah, thank you, three of my seven friends. Yes, I'm ready for the door to open- slower! Slower than that. Thank you. You know what, I managed to get both of my hands free before you got in! SURPRI-

<The subject was relaxed at this point and the session terminated>

Session 2 - Affairs of the Heart

Okay then, are we ready to go? Are you ready? I am. I’m feeling pretty good today, thank you, I have- you know, I’d prefer if we let the past go, thank you; it was a troubled time, and my doctor has been very kind, very kind. Helping me out you see. “Too much energy” he says.

We have made up, and I don’t want him to think that I am ungrateful for all of his hard work; and all those little walks with my probation officer have set me on a good path- well no, I was being wheeled actually, and- yes, I was given a mask to wear, but that was “to keep me safe” mister thinks-he-is-so-smart. That felt good though, the finger thing, it feels great to get my arms about of those long coats, you know, the ones with the straps? Those ones. Yes, I do believe that there is a good thing going on, you know a, a… Synergy? Synergy, with my doctor now, and I feel… good.

I have a hobby. As I have been well behaved this last week and I had not been needed to be ‘relaxed’ for four whole days, a new record, I might add, and-

You know what, can I ask a question? How was that mask keeping me safe? I could barely move my head and- oh. But I haven’t bitten anyone, that’s hardly fair. I did? When? Oh, heh, that wasn’t me you see. Well, not me me, but you get where I’m coming from; ask that kind lady with the clip-board, who is she? What? Behavioural Psychologist? That’s a funny name.

I build things. There is a big room here and I make things with the stuff I find when I’m on day release. Like cloth, or little stones, or bits of like, this coppery stuff that comes out of the ground. Oh, that is copper? Heh, silly me, eh? And when I’m out I-

What do I make? Oh, lots of things. Lots. Too many to mention. You wouldn’t understand. No, really you wouldn’t. Technical, you see? I wouldn’t want to bore you.

My teeth hurt. I don't think this is a good time. Not a good time. I know about the path, you told me, remember? It's dark down there, and I'm not going. I'm not! No, you're being defensive-

Ah, ah, no wait, yes I see- I see it, yes I remember last time. Okay I make like, things… I am so not avoiding the question. So not. Talk about double standards, here I am trying to have a decent conversation and here you are waving that remote- ow!

Okay, okay. I didn’t know you could be relaxed for like, a second. Fine. That's fine, because it's okay.

I make things. Today I made some little copper screws, you see, and one of the orderlies actually came within reaching distance of me and I didn’t do anything. “Progress” they said, said it was “healthy”, and I’m proud of this. No, you see, they let me out of the long coats when I am in there; you see, there aren’t any windows in there that would make me tempted to, what was it? Oh yeah, “Try Anything Stupid”. Not that I have. It’s not my fault that some kid was making faces at me- that was not just his normal face! I saw him! So rude. Well maybe they should teach manners in playschool. He has another, why is everyone so hung up on this? I- no, you’re right. The path, yes, I get it. I’m not being angry. I’m not, I’m fine. Just fine, yes. Thank you.

Anyway, I was making these, these little copper globes, right, and the interesting thing- the interesting thing, right, is that they have a little bit of string at the end so hey wait! Wait no don’t go and get them, they are safe! Perfectly, almost safe, they are- Who taught me? I won’t say, because I love her. And she loves me. She is beautiful, her face hair an onyx zephyr. Thank you, it was quite poetic wasn’t it. Maybe that’s my calling. See, when I was down at the engineering trainer, she was wowed by my- No! No! You tricked me! She’ll never forgive me and she’ll leave! I can’t bear it!

I'm not crying! It's just, just something in my eye!

How could you?

How could could could you?

Purveyor of lies, sewer of heartbreak- Let go! Let go of me-

<The subject was relaxed at this point and the session terminated>

Session 1 - The Past

So what, I just talk and you write it down? Okay, right, I got you. So you just write everything down that I say. Fine. So I guess we're starting then.

We've already started? I don't want to see the start bit. Or this. Or this. Stop it. Stop- okay, I'm okay. I'm calm. No, I'm, fine. Really, thank you.

Okay, so my, uh, probation officer and my doctor said it would be a good idea to talk about myself and my day to day activities as this will, okay, I'll just raise my first two fingers on each hand when I want you do this in future, “help with my anger issues”, so yeah, okay, whatever I guess.

Right, well, my name is Figgitayimeat- no, no. It's not spelt like that, look, it's spelt like, well you should find out these things beforehand. My name is F-i-g-a-t-i-a-m-e-t. Got it? Great. Figatiamet, though the people that share my group-therapy sessions have taken to calling me 'Fidget' which I didn't like at first because I thought they were making fun of me, and after I cut the-

What? Oh no, I'm staying away from the path. I know it's dark down the path, yes I know. Okay I won't talk about that. Shall I talk about what happened before? I feel as if I should. Okay.

I was bitten by a Worgen oh, must have been about seven weeks ago now. Uh, I was in the cellar of a bar in Gilneas and bam. Wow. So I guess I'm one too now, and I kind of look like if my old dog went to the exercise yard and just got ripped. I mean look at these things! I know, aren't they? Though I feel kind of sad at the whole “people screaming and running away” and- wait, no, I only had one finger up that time. I know it's confusing but grammatically that is way off. Way off. It looks like someone's said something and then- you know what? Never mind. Just remember for next time. Okay. No, I forgive you, it's fine. It's fine.

My teeth hurt. Can I do this some other time? I do not just use that excuse when I get stressed! Oh, well look at you with your white coat and your orderlies-

Right, the path. Yes, no path here. I can't even see a path. Hah hah! Hah.

Anyway, so I'm bitten and all hunched and fluffy now and I'm getting all weirded out, so- is weirded a word? No? Freaked? Yeah, that'll work. Freaked. Just replace weirded with it from now on. So long story short, a few people got cut and now I'm here. “There are other people like me outside” they said and I felt pretty good about that. I mean, it would be, heh, pretty rubbish if there was no lady worgen out there, am I right? Come on, am I right? Fine.

I am now in Darnassus, and everything is purple, or green, including the people! Is that racist? I don't want to seem crass. Okay, I'm sorry. Yes, there's a building here for people that are “challenging” and need “help getting back into society” and that's great, I mean, they have beds here, and a nurse comes sometimes with these little white things that you don't chew and make you feel all soft, but lately they have stopped coming after one of them moved too fast around me. “I have a lot of pent up agression” they told me- no, see, you spelt that wrong. Yeah, it has two gee's. No problem. So my probation officer said that it would be a good idea for me to do 'day release' to work off my excess tension and I've found work freelancing as an adventurer.

My doctor said no at first because of, like, contact with sharp objects, but my probation officer said something about “channelling his murderous energies” or something, I don't know, because I wasn't allowed out of my cell but it got pretty heated and they started shouting and my doctor looked like he was menaced with a chair and- what? Confidential? Oh, I shouldn't tell anyone? But he was all like “backtalk me will you-

Okay! Okay, fine. Yes, I see what you're holding. But you wouldn't. Nah, see, I know you, right? You wouldn't. I mean, would you? No, I mean, see, I- right. Right. Oh uh, to avoid confusion, I am wearing a, I'm wearing a collar that helps me “relax” that is controlled by my doctor. I have been very relaxed recently, and I don't want to be relaxed again. No, I'm fine, no need for relaxation here. Really, see? See my smile? I'm smiling. Yes, that is a smile. But anyway.

They let me keep my top hat. That was nice of them. It's black, only like, not quite. It's shiny, but not like metal, you know, like uh, like shiny fabric? I'm not sure. What is this thing made out of? Silk. And “Hatter's Plush” apparently. Thank you writing-things-down-person. My doctor says I'm getting distracted.

Okay, so uh, my first day 'out'- yes, that's it, just the one finger that time. Thank you for listening to me. I, Fidget -damn, I'm saying it too now- Figatiamet, appreciate your mutual respect, and I would like to offer you a firm handshake. What? No contact? Why? Not after the- oooooh. Yes, I- yes, I remember. But the first part of it was- yeah, I know, healthy. My doctor said that was healthy; write that down. My first day was good, a Night Elf lady told me to rescue some people, who were dead on a beach. Or not dead, but nearly. I went to the bridge to the beach, and another Night Elf lady told me to kill some things- let me finish, it was all legally sanctioned and you can check with your boss. No they weren't actually, these things were like little whirlpools with arms and eyes. They were quite cute actually, and- did it stop me? No. I was getting paid three silver for killing nine of them- yes, I know that will be going into the “victim support fund”. Heh, and they say you can't put a price on life. No, that was a joke. Inappropriate? Oh, yeah I guess it was. I'm sorry.

I have a pickaxe, and I kill things with it. Someone gave it to me for fetching some miners from a mine. They could have put some thought into it, but there you are, that's gratitude for you. I mean, you go in there and agh!

Oh, that's the bed time buzzer. But I'm not finished yet doctor. No, I'd like to carry on, I think it could be inter- NO? But I feel great so great in fact I think I can carry on forever maybe! Maybe you'd like a hug-

<The subject was relaxed at this point and the session terminated>