So what, I just talk and you write it down? Okay, right, I got you. So you just write everything down that I say. Fine. So I guess we're starting then.
We've already started? I don't want to see the start bit. Or this. Or this. Stop it. Stop- okay, I'm okay. I'm calm. No, I'm, fine. Really, thank you.
Okay, so my, uh, probation officer and my doctor said it would be a good idea to talk about myself and my day to day activities as this will, okay, I'll just raise my first two fingers on each hand when I want you do this in future, “help with my anger issues”, so yeah, okay, whatever I guess.
Right, well, my name is Figgitayimeat- no, no. It's not spelt like that, look, it's spelt like, well you should find out these things beforehand. My name is F-i-g-a-t-i-a-m-e-t. Got it? Great. Figatiamet, though the people that share my group-therapy sessions have taken to calling me 'Fidget' which I didn't like at first because I thought they were making fun of me, and after I cut the-
What? Oh no, I'm staying away from the path. I know it's dark down the path, yes I know. Okay I won't talk about that. Shall I talk about what happened before? I feel as if I should. Okay.
I was bitten by a Worgen oh, must have been about seven weeks ago now. Uh, I was in the cellar of a bar in Gilneas and bam. Wow. So I guess I'm one too now, and I kind of look like if my old dog went to the exercise yard and just got ripped. I mean look at these things! I know, aren't they? Though I feel kind of sad at the whole “people screaming and running away” and- wait, no, I only had one finger up that time. I know it's confusing but grammatically that is way off. Way off. It looks like someone's said something and then- you know what? Never mind. Just remember for next time. Okay. No, I forgive you, it's fine. It's fine.
My teeth hurt. Can I do this some other time? I do not just use that excuse when I get stressed! Oh, well look at you with your white coat and your orderlies-
Right, the path. Yes, no path here. I can't even see a path. Hah hah! Hah.
Anyway, so I'm bitten and all hunched and fluffy now and I'm getting all weirded out, so- is weirded a word? No? Freaked? Yeah, that'll work. Freaked. Just replace weirded with it from now on. So long story short, a few people got cut and now I'm here. “There are other people like me outside” they said and I felt pretty good about that. I mean, it would be, heh, pretty rubbish if there was no lady worgen out there, am I right? Come on, am I right? Fine.
I am now in Darnassus, and everything is purple, or green, including the people! Is that racist? I don't want to seem crass. Okay, I'm sorry. Yes, there's a building here for people that are “challenging” and need “help getting back into society” and that's great, I mean, they have beds here, and a nurse comes sometimes with these little white things that you don't chew and make you feel all soft, but lately they have stopped coming after one of them moved too fast around me. “I have a lot of pent up agression” they told me- no, see, you spelt that wrong. Yeah, it has two gee's. No problem. So my probation officer said that it would be a good idea for me to do 'day release' to work off my excess tension and I've found work freelancing as an adventurer.
My doctor said no at first because of, like, contact with sharp objects, but my probation officer said something about “channelling his murderous energies” or something, I don't know, because I wasn't allowed out of my cell but it got pretty heated and they started shouting and my doctor looked like he was menaced with a chair and- what? Confidential? Oh, I shouldn't tell anyone? But he was all like “backtalk me will you-
Okay! Okay, fine. Yes, I see what you're holding. But you wouldn't. Nah, see, I know you, right? You wouldn't. I mean, would you? No, I mean, see, I- right. Right. Oh uh, to avoid confusion, I am wearing a, I'm wearing a collar that helps me “relax” that is controlled by my doctor. I have been very relaxed recently, and I don't want to be relaxed again. No, I'm fine, no need for relaxation here. Really, see? See my smile? I'm smiling. Yes, that is a smile. But anyway.
They let me keep my top hat. That was nice of them. It's black, only like, not quite. It's shiny, but not like metal, you know, like uh, like shiny fabric? I'm not sure. What is this thing made out of? Silk. And “Hatter's Plush” apparently. Thank you writing-things-down-person. My doctor says I'm getting distracted.
Okay, so uh, my first day 'out'- yes, that's it, just the one finger that time. Thank you for listening to me. I, Fidget -damn, I'm saying it too now- Figatiamet, appreciate your mutual respect, and I would like to offer you a firm handshake. What? No contact? Why? Not after the- oooooh. Yes, I- yes, I remember. But the first part of it was- yeah, I know, healthy. My doctor said that was healthy; write that down. My first day was good, a Night Elf lady told me to rescue some people, who were dead on a beach. Or not dead, but nearly. I went to the bridge to the beach, and another Night Elf lady told me to kill some things- let me finish, it was all legally sanctioned and you can check with your boss. No they weren't actually, these things were like little whirlpools with arms and eyes. They were quite cute actually, and- did it stop me? No. I was getting paid three silver for killing nine of them- yes, I know that will be going into the “victim support fund”. Heh, and they say you can't put a price on life. No, that was a joke. Inappropriate? Oh, yeah I guess it was. I'm sorry.
I have a pickaxe, and I kill things with it. Someone gave it to me for fetching some miners from a mine. They could have put some thought into it, but there you are, that's gratitude for you. I mean, you go in there and agh!
Oh, that's the bed time buzzer. But I'm not finished yet doctor. No, I'd like to carry on, I think it could be inter- NO? But I feel great so great in fact I think I can carry on forever maybe! Maybe you'd like a hug-
<The subject was relaxed at this point and the session terminated>
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